Sobering bookmarks from a sad time.

In between vacuuming all the rooms in the house today, I've been tidying up my computer on my breaks. I tackled my browser bookmarks earlier. It was very sobering to see an entire section of URLs I bookmarked that were sites about losing one's baby while pregnant, in second or third trimester.

I had a really bad pregnancy. Really bad, and dangerous. Our ob-gyns weren't sure if the baby was going to make it through the entire pregnancy, and when I went into labor prematurely, things quickly went from bad to worse and there was a point when no one was sure that either or both me and the baby were going to survive. I had tried to prepare for the worst early in the second trimester when things started to take a bad turn, thus those bookmarks. Only MW and I knew just how bad things were, we didn't tell our families but they must have figured something wasn't right when we refused offers of a baby shower. We'd come home from the preparation for childbirth classes and I'd cry and cry, because it was so hard to keep up the appearance that everything was going okay. And when I went into labor early, we didn't call anyone in the family. Just wanted it to be us at the hospital in case things didn't work out well. MW called our moms when it was all over.

I can't have any more children, which is fine really, and I'm grateful each and every day that my little girl is here in my life.

Even so, today I wept with remembrance as I deleted those sobering bookmarks once and for all.

Craft Nite.

Just for the record, I want to express my love and appreciation for the folks who come to craft each Tuesday night at the Rendezvous in Turners Falls. I was away from Craft Nite for two months, went back last Tuesday for the first time in what seemed like forever, and was entirely thrilled to see the crafty peeps again.

With the end in sight for my deadlines, I'll be going back to Craft Nite as often as I can this winter. It's damned good for my mental health.

Protest.

Today is the protest rally downtown against the proposed cuts to the library budget. We'll be going. I have to come up with some snappy signs to carry.

Molly the sheep is a mystery right now. Doc came out yesterday morning early, gave her a full physical exam. Doc said she was in extremely good condition for her age, and yet she was still bleeding slightly from the nose. He took a blood draw, test results came in this morning and came back negative for anything other than a bit of a dip in her calcium levels. We can fix that with a mineral supplement. Doc just said to keep a close eye on her and report any changes.

We're still having the neighbor come by this weekend with his backhoe to dig a hole. Just in case for over the winter. Yes, it sounds morbid, but there's nothing worse than putting down a livestock animal over the winter and not having a hole already prepared in this harsh winter climate.

LW is nearly fully potty trained. Once in a while she poops in her panties, and I still keep her in pull-ups overnight, but all day long she uses her potty without being told to. What a great kid!

Dread.

One of the livestock is not doing so well. She's a lot older than most animals of her species, and today we noticed a little blood coming from her nose. I've got a call in to the large animal vet, he's coming first thing tomorrow. One of my neighbors will stop by after work with an excavator to help us dig a hole out in the back pasture. Just in case hard decisions have to be made...

I dread this. I love this particular animal; she's been with me and my family for more than 15 years.

Pay it forward.

I signed up for a Pay it Forward on a blog a few weeks ago. So, that means that I need to pay it forward here on my blog. I will take the first three people who respond, and send them something handmade within 365 days. The catch? Well, you must then old a Pay it forward on your blog. See, it just keeps going spreading handmade goodness to the world. I will send anywhere in the US or Canada.

Sign up by responding to this post.

Never enough time.

Now that the weather has turned chilly, all I want to do is knit, spin, and sew.

Unfortunately, I'm still deadlining, the farm isn't quite fully winterized, and there's no spare time in my life.

I've got some great yarns sitting in bins waiting to be knit, lots of sweater designs in my head that need to be put on paper, there are warm socks to knit for the Little Woodchuck and for Mister Woodchuck, I've got fleece all washed waiting to be carded and spun into more yarn. I need to make curtains for one room, new tablecloths and napkins to sew (the ones I made nearly 15 years ago have held up well, but they're worn and faded from much use), and I'd like to make some fun projects too.

There's just never enough time in my busy days.

Postscript: LW is doing great with potty training! I'm so happy!

Bad Mommy.

I haven't started LW's Hallowe'en costume, and I'll probably not get it done in time if I do start. I'm a very bad mommy. I know I can get away with not putting her in costume this year, but I know next year I won't get away with it. She'll have a full awareness of the whole Hallowe'en business by then.

LW is quite suddenly taking great interest in her potty seat. It happened after our playdate with her two little friends last week. I took all the kids into a bathroom to wash up for lunch, and her little friends (both potty trained) told me they wanted to go potty. LW watched in utter astonishment as they went potty, and the very next day she used her own potty seat willingly for the first time. And she's been using it with some regularity ever since. Amazing.

We put a star on the calendar for each day she successfully uses the potty, and today there were five stars accumulated so she got a little surprise gift for that fifth star. She thought that was pretty darned cool.

I had a meeting yesterday afternoon with a knitwear designer friend. Her pre-teen daughter, who loves my LW, played with and amused LW while us mommies met and got work done. It was lovely.

I made a really good apple pie over the weekend. I've got enough apples left to make another, so I'll do that by the end of the week. 'Tis the season for pie! LW helps me with the entire process of making the pie. She really loves helping in the kitchen prepare our meals.

Still deep in the deadlines crunch. I think in another three weeks, the worst of it will be over.

Relieved.

See my previous post for the story of the accident.

Tonight, a relative of the woman in the green car contacted me via email. Whoa. The woman, whose name is Elizabeth I now know, survived and is slowly on the mend. What a relief. What an absolute relief.

Tuesday last week, I took LW to the library. She'd been very withdrawn since the accident, I think the sound of the crash and all the noisy emergency vehicles gave her a bit of trauma. We were very careful that she didn't see any of the accident aftermath, but she certainly heard things. Anyway, I took her to the library for story hour, and she went into a panic when we got there. She told me she was scared to be in a room with so many children, and started crying.

I took LW to the picture book room instead. There were two children there, and two moms. While the kids played and read (LW was still being rather withdrawn), the moms and I talked quietly together (I was acquainted with one of them). I very quietly told them what we'd witnessed Friday before, and that it had had some effect on LW. One of the women startled at my story; turns out she's friends with a relation of the woman in the green car. She took my email address and name when we all left the library.

And then all was quiet. I set up a playdate Thursday for LW and her two favorite friends, and she came out of her shell. By today, she was her old self again.

And tonight I received the email from the woman's relation. I wrote back to her, thanking her for contacting me and telling me that Elizabeth was on the slow road to recovery.

I do believe I will sleep well tonight. It's been an anxious week.

A Very Bad Day.

Friday was a Very Bad Day.

My mom's cancer surgery went well Friday morning. I had her home by early afternoon, then MW and LW came out to Shelburne to pick me up and take me home. On the way back home on the Trail, we came around a bend not far from the town line and there was a car driving toward us at high speed, oncoming IN OUR LANE. The road was empty, he wasn't trying to pass anyone, just driving on the wrong side of the road and fast. By some miracle MW swerved to avoid, the wrong-way driver gunned his engine and slammed head-on into the car about 100 feet behind us. It was so terrible, I can't believe we didn't get hit (thanks to MW's fast reflexes) but the poor woman in the car behind us . . .

MW pulled over and stayed with LW, I ran back to see if I could help the woman. Other cars pulled over, people called 911 and men stopped traffic. The woman was in really terrible shape, moaning and barely conscious. The front of her car from the dashboard forward was crumpled like tin foil, all the windows were blown out, and the engine was just gone (I have no idea where it went). Blood everywhere, glass and gasoline everywhere. I held the woman's hand and stroked her hair, careful not to move her, and told her over and over that I would not leave her. Then I felt a six-inch-long piece of glass buried in the top of her skull and nearly lost it. But she was in such bad shape I had to stay with her, I didn't want her to die alone. It seemed like forever but a bazillion police and fire engines and ambulances showed up, and the medics made me leave the woman. We gave our statements and then drove home. We have terrible survivor's guilt, but there is not a thing we could have done to keep that idiot guy from hitting the woman's car. There's not much anyone can do when someone is driving at high speed in the wrong direction.

I called the state troopers in Shelburne to see if I could find out if the woman survived. I was told that she was flown by helicopter to Springfield.

I never did go over to see if the idiot guy was alive or dead. I probably would have started beating the shit out of him for what he did. Some men were keeping him in his car, he was trying to bolt apparently. The car was a black Audi with Florida plates. What the hell the guy was doing driving on the wrong side of the road is beyond my comprehension.

I'm grateful that my little family was not harmed, but I really truly did not need this today or any other day. And I can't stop thinking about that poor woman.

New arrival.

We have a new arrival at the farm. She arrived today. She's a lovely Border Leicester ewe named Snowdrop.

I add animals to our herd with extreme care. Not only do I have to make sure we can afford to feed a new animal, I have to make sure it will fit in with the group and be a benefit to us for the rest of its natural life. Animals who come here stay here for the duration.

LW is at my mother's house for an overnight stay. I feel so guilty for enjoying this rare time to myself. I know this sounds terrible, but I sometimes miss my pre-motherhood days very, very much. Sigh.

This weekend we're taking LW down to Look Park for rides on the train and time on the play equipment. I had so much wanted to take her there regularly this summer, but two+ months of rain nixed that plan.

Hello, October!

It's cool, cloudy, and colorful outside today! The trees out in the pastures and along our fencelines are in full color. Just waiting for the aspen grove to turn its traditional yellow, and then it will be official.

LW is now three years old. We had a lovely family pizza-and-cupcake party for her on the big day, and she was in her glory. Also, at Story Hour at the library, all the children sang Happy Birthday and she loved it. LW got some really swell presents, and she's enjoying all of them over and over and over.

The outdoor party we were going to hold has been canceled. Saturday is supposed to be a wash out, and that was the rain date. Rats. I've contacted the invitees with toddlers and we're going to schedule an impromptu giant outdoor playdate on the next non-rainy weekend day we can.

Our hay was finally delivered this week. Oh, the relief! It's good looking stuff, too. Really nice second cutting. Now I can face winter.

I'm facing impossible deadlines with my paying work. It's times like this I wish I could afford daycare for LW. It's so hard to get work done with her underfoot. Poor girl, she just wants someone to play with.

Tomorrow she has her annual physical exam. Flu shot for sure and the usual lead test because our house is so old (mid-1800s). I'm sure there are other booster shots, too, and I feel bad for her in advance. I have to get my own flu shot pronto.

Back to the grindstone. It's hard work!

Churning ahead.

This week was just so busy. It was a blur. Next week promises more of the same.

Today is MW's birthday. LW's birthday is early next week. I baked a cake for MW, which he liked mightily, and treated him and LW to lunch out at Manna House (Korean cuisine) after stopping at the Farmers' Market.

Everyone at the Market asked me why I wasn't at the Fiber Twist. I groaned and told them it was complicated. Which it very definitely is.

We have postponed LW's birthday party until next weekend. It was originally to be held tomorrow, but the forecast is for rain all day. Not good for an outdoor party! Hoping for better weather next weekend. Plus the delay will give me a little more time for preparations.

We and the livestock are all enjoying this colder turn in the weather. Feels so good! I am just no good when it's humid and hot out there.

The black walnut tree is dropping nuts all of a sudden. Now that the tree is mature, it's producing greater numbers of nuts each year. This year looks to be the best yet. Our apple orchard is a wash this year, though. All the apples are wormy. We're feeding all of them to the livestock, not enough are salvageable for apple sauce or baking. Rats.

I hope the rain doesn't knock down all the leaves that have started to turn color on the trees. I asked LW today what is her favorite season, she said "Autumn, because it's so nice and cool outside." That's my girl.

Autumn is here!

And it's a race to have the farm ready for winter.

Yesterday we re-floored the hay shed. Now all we need is for the hay to be delivered. It's due to arrive this week.

Our heating oil is all pre-bought for the fall, winter, and early spring. We've got a spanking new chimney. I feel much more secure than I did two weeks ago.

We did stop at Ikea on the way home, and I picked up items I'd been needing for the household. I also fed all of us for exactly $4.01 at the Ikea cafeteria. The food was so good. MW and LW had a blast playing with all the displayed products in the children's section.

Afterward, we scooted under I-95 to the waterfront. We walked over to the wharf where Amistad and Quinnipiak are moored. Amistad was not docked, must have been out on a sail, but Quinnipiak was there and she is a beautiful ship. We watched seagulls bickering, cormorants diving for fish, saw schools of fish below the water's surface, sailboats coming in an out of the harbor, a giant oil barge delivering its load, people fishing on the jetties. We found a little spit of sand, and we collected shells. This was LW's first time ever seeing the ocean. She loved it.

It's always strange for me to go back to New Haven. I lived there for a long time before we moved north, and sometimes I miss it very much. Other times I miss it not at all. I'm glad I lived there, ultimately; I had an awful lot of fun in that little city, and it's where I met MW so it's an important place for me. Ikea, by the way, is located only a couple hundred yards from the business where MW and I met, and from Long Wharf Theatre where I was working at the time.

Here's a spider that has set up shop in our overgrown flowerbed by the house. She's a gorgeous Shamrock orbweaver spider, Araneus trifolium.

Speeding along.

Holy smokes, time is compressing and yet there's still so much to do it makes my head spin.

Invitations for Little Woodchuck's birthday party have been sent. I resorted to e-mailing them, tacky I know, but for some kids and their parents, an e-mail address is all I have.

The party is fully planned, now I have just have to buy all the stuff that needs to be bought, and go down my checklist. I've recruited my mom to bake the cupcakes. I am providing her with mixes, and I'll make the icing the day before and send it along with the mixes.

I have almost everything for the children's goody bags. It's fun to give those out.

* * *

I've been working my tail off, between my paying job projects, at getting the hay shed ready. I completely dismantled it this year. Fortunately my mom has been around to help. Just holding things in place while I use the tools is extremely helpful. The shed has been reassembled as of yesterday, and today we're going to skin it as much as possible and finish up on Sunday. The hay will be delivered early next week.

(ETA: We skinned the hay shed completely, finished up at 6:00 p.m. It's a good thing my mom has gotten all modernized from years of working at university before she retired, because I muttered out a few solid cusses during the shed skinning process. And she didn't get shocked at my cussing at all. I love my mom.)

We're heading out to visit Mister Woodchuck's mother tomorrow. It will be an overnight stay. I've got folks lined up to feed the livestock. I'm looking forward to the time away, despite how it will snafu my work schedule. We might even stop at the Ikea on the way, which is an absolute thrill for me!

The Speed of Life.

LW and I drove up to the fairgrounds yesterday afternoon to pick up my entries. LW was pensive. "Mommy, we missed all the fun." I felt terrible, she was right. We were too sick to go to the fair this year, and she had been looking forward to it for weeks.

I got a third place ribbon for the Christmas stocking I made from a felted sweater and embroidered and embellished. But I got a first place blue ribbon for the cute play dress I made for LW! The judge had also commented on the back of the entry tag, all praise particularly about my finishing details on the dress (it's all French seamed, which takes time but makes for a better garment) and that made me feel very good.

I turned in one major project to my client, it's all finished and ready to go to the printer. Phew! Now I have smaller projects due by the end of October. That's a lot, but I can do it if I work very, very hard.

We're going to dash down to Connecticut on Saturday to visit MW's mom. We'll stay overnight, then race back Sunday morning. I've got folks lined up to care for the livestock Saturday. I'm insisting that we make a quick stop at Ikea in New Haven, as I need to pick up a few things there.

Our chimney will be finished today. It's a thing of beauty. Jim the mason says, "Perfect chimney for Santa Claus!" with a twinkle and a smile directed toward LW.

I bought all the felt for LW's Hallowe'en costume, and took her measurements yesterday. I need to get to the Textile at some point today to buy pattern tissue; I like to work things out on the tissue before I take scissors to fabric. Time to dig out my French curve, too.

And the preparations for LW's birthday party continue.

The Chimney Man is Here!

"The Chimney Man is here, Mommy!" quoth Little Woodchuck.

Yes, Jim the chimney mason arrived yesterday with scaffolding and bricks and tools. He managed to get the scaffolding set up before the downpour yesterday, and then showed up bright and early this morning to do the old chimney demolition. The top portion was so loose he just lifted off the bricks--yikes--but now he's smacking the middle portion and the house is shaking in an exciting way. LW is riveted to the window near the chimney, watching Jim work. This is huge excitement for a toddler, even one who is sick.

We've asked Jim to inset a ceramic tile with the image of a dragonfly on it about 6 feet up the chimney from the base. It should look nice and will add a tiny bit of whimsy to our shiny, new chimney. We like whimsy.

I've got a wracking cough now, and couldn't sleep last night lying down. I had to wedge myself upright on the couch with pillows to sleep at all. Reminded me of my bad old pregnancy days. Shiver. Those were very bad days. Last night I also had a pile of fever dreams that were very, very frightening. I sure was happy to wake up from those.

Today I have to set my paying work aside and clean the house. Shocking how dirty and messy everything gets when Mommy is sick for three days.

I can't wait to be over this flu.

Quarantine!

Well, we're all sick now. LW, MW, and me. MW is the least sick, so he's making a grocery run for sick supplies.

This is acting an awful lot like H1N1... My biggest worry is for LW, as she's just a toddler.

So the household is in strict quarantine. I'd like to personally dope-slap rather hard the mother who was at the Library on Tuesday, coughing all over the place. I believe she is the culprit.

We won't be going to the Fair, I think. I'll pick up my entries and ribbons if any on Monday. Sigh.

Just to make myself feel a little better, here's a picture we took of a Papilio polyxenes caterpillar we found near the house. Also known as Black Swallowtail butterfly. It was flaring its osmeterium at me in the image. That's a scent organ just behind the head. It smells awful! But that's the whole purpose.



I found the cat's pupa a couple days later. Can't wait to see the butterfly emerge!

Bits and pieces.

Yesterday I went to the fairgrounds and submitted two of the four items I'd planned to enter for judging. Time just got away from me for the other two items.

It did seem that there were fewer entries at the Roundhouse than in years past. I left the place around 5 p.m. and there were only a few more hours to drop off items. I think the new pre-entry system probably scared off many entrants. We'll see when we get to the fair this weekend if the Roundhouse filled up with items.

This afternoon my mom gets her skin cancer biopsied.

I stopped by the Turners Falls Salvation Army yesterday and bought four sweaters. Three of them I'll convert into garments for LW, and I'm wearing the fourth right now. I washed everything as soon as I got home. I also bought a cute book bag for LW, and a colorful beach bag for carrying groceries. Mister Woodchuck went to Salvation Army in the afternoon and got himself two sweaters and two sweatshirts, which he was sorely in need of. He wears out clothes faster than anyone I know.

By the time I went to sleep last night, I was sniffling and coughing and slightly feverish. First cold of the season. Oh joy. MW is heading out in a few minutes to pick up some cold medicine for me. I am in dire need.

Tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of the attack on the World Trade Center in NYC. We'll keep off the radio and teevee, and keep the house quiet in remembrance of MW's cousin, a NYC firefighter who died there that day.

Fall projects.

I'm trying so hard not to be overwhelmed by the enormous pile of autumn projects I have to accomplish. It's pretty damned daunting.

First and foremost I have to get through the next six weeks of work. At the same time I have to oversee the replacement of our chimney, I need to take down and reassemble our hay shed, and get the winter hay delivered. Those are the biggies. The rest are small and more manageable.

I've nearly finished sewing a cute play dress for Little Woodchuck for next summer. It's taken longer than I expected; I'm paying extra attention to the finishing details. Today Mister Woodchuck, LW, and I drove down to Hadley--MW needed to pick up something from the mega-bookstore there. I veered us briefly to JoAnn Fabric to look for buttons for the dress. I had picked up some at The Textile but, frankly, their button selection is the pits. I wanted something special. And today I found the most perfect buttons at JoAnn. Happy sigh.

While at JoAnn, I also grabbed a couple yards of black felt, some white felt and yellow felt yardgoods. LW has informed me that she must be Bad Badtz Maru for Hallowe'en. I've already sketched out the costume design, and hopefully it won't be a disaster. Toddlers are pretty easy to make costumes for, thankfully.

And the county fair is coming up this weekend. We're all excited about that! I loves me a fair, 'specially when I win blue ribbons!

A Drive-by Post.

I'm so busy, this one's going to be quick.

I just learned my mom has skin cancer. She goes down to Northampton for a biopsy on the 10th, and surgery will soon follow. I'm freaking out.

I had insomnia last night. So I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog four times through. It is simply brilliant.

Must dash.

It's going to be a long six weeks.

I'm so tired. I'm deep in the middle of one of my two busiest times of year, paying work-wise. The other time is always from January to May. Between those periods, work is steady but not usually overwhelming. Right now, I'm overwhelmed, and I've got a solid six weeks to go on this autumn's tsunami of work.

Because I work from a home office, Little Woodchuck is with me all the time. When I go through one of these crazy-busy stretches, she can barely stand it. I can't give her the attention she's accustomed to, and deserves, and by the end of the day we're both exhausted. Me moreso than LW, of course, because she gets a nice long nap in the middle of the day. Those two hours while she naps are my most productive. I quite literally crank like hell, and count every precious minute.

And at the end of the next six weeks, I'll be faced with the ambulance chase that is getting the farm ready for winter. I'll catch up on my much-needed sleep sometime in December. In the meantime, it's two pots of coffee per day and elevated blood pressure. Sigh.

Over the weekend, we found a gorgeous Papilio polyxenes caterpillar wandering around in the flower bed in front of the house. It had been feeding on the wild Queen Anne's Lace that had managed to find a foothold in my sadly neglected flowerbed. This cat was looking for a place to pupate, so we left it alone after taking a few pictures.

This morning I found its pupa!!!!! I'm going to move it to a safer place, it's in a vulnerable spot right now, and either in two weeks or next spring a Black Swallowtail butterfly will emerge. We've raised hundreds of native butterfly and moth caterpillars of many species from hatchling to adulthood, and swallowtails are easy compared to some other species. Last year I raised at least two dozen Monarch butterflies from hatch to emergence, this year not a single one. It was not a good year for the Monarchs. Too much cold, too much rain.

The Season of Sorrow.

I love autumn. It's my favorite of all the seasons, and here in New England autumn can be pretty spectacular. Makes up for all the snow and the awful, humid/hot summers.

But for some reason, as soon as we get a couple cold nights and cool, sunny days, all my sorrows past and present get dredged up and I have to grapple with them afresh. Mister Woodchuck has learned, after our fifteen years together, that September marks the season of sorrow for me. He does his best to cheer me up, and I appreciate the efforts on his part, but every year is the same.

I can't even quite put my finger on why September makes me so blue. I suppose that a good many of the most unpleasant episodes in my earlier life happened in the autumn, and then there was the dreaded back-to-school business. School was, for me, horrible and filled me with dread. It wasn't until I went off to college that I began to look forward to new semesters.

January always brings on depression, but that's something I'm able to deal with on a practical level using my lightbox. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I can usually head off the worst of it with daily sessions with my lightbox and by March, it's over.

* * *
On a more positive note, Little Woodchuck is still reading! It's slow and steady, and wonderful! Yesterday she started trying to tell time, and she's doing pretty well. She looks for clocks everywhere we go, and reports the time displayed as the closest hour. So far she's amazingly accurate. I have to keep reminding myself that LW is still just a two-year-old, and that these things she's accomplished are not typical of children her age.

We're taking a hiatus on potty training. LW and I both need a break. We'll try again in another month and see how it goes.

MW took LW out last night and tonight to look at Jupiter, some star clusters and galaxies, and the moon through his telescopes. He sets them up in the back yard in the afternoon, they cool down nicely in this dry air we've been having, and by 8:30 p.m. the two of them are out in the dark looking through the eyepieces. I have to say that having a husband who owns two high-end telescopes is very, very cool. We tucked LW into her bed by 9:00 p.m., and MW went back out to the 'scopes for a couple more hours of viewing. MW had to sell off one of his telescopes last year so that some bills could be paid, and I know it was hard for him to let that third 'scope go. Hopefully he won't have to sell off the two remaining 'scopes: he's got a beautiful Newtonian and a super-nice refractor that I believe is Russian. There's also a suitcase full of fantastic eyepieces that he's carefully acquired over the past decade.

For the record.

I thank my lucky stars each and every day that we did not move to Maine.

That is all.

Back to school.

For most families. Not for ours, yet. We have a couple years ahead of us before back-to-school looms large. We can't afford preschool or daycare, so LW stays home with me until she starts public school.

Even so, I've done some clothes shopping for the Little Woodchuck over the past month when I had little bits of money. Mainly, I hit the thrift shops and bought ahead clothes for the coming fall and winter. Everything has been washed, sorted, and carefully stored away until needed.

But yesterday I went on a little spree. A family member generously gave me a gift certificate for the Carter's children's clothing outlet up in Brattleboro, and I had a discount coupon as well. LW needed pajamas for winter, and a coat for fall, and some socks. I found all those things at Carter's and now we're all ready for the coming cold weather. The only thing lacking, at this point, will be a new pair of shoes and some winter boots. LW's feet are growing very quickly, and she's outgrown the size 7 toddler sneakers and shoes that were too large at the beginning of the summer. I'll try to find a second-hand snowsuit, too, as she's outgrown last year's suit and we spend so much time outdoors in winter. I'm knitting two sweaters for LW right now, and I'll start on warm socks and mittens soon.

The cashier at Carter's handed me an additional gift check good for $10 off a $35 purchase, but I have no reason to go back in September and spend any more money. I'll find someone who can use this gift check, as it's a considerable savings.

Today the weather and temperature is very much to my liking. I love cool weather, always have, always will.

LW's birthday preparations start this week. I want to be well-prepared in advance for her party.

House and home.

We survived our meeting with our accountant. Phew. Glad that's over. With two home-based businesses and a farm business, tax preparation gets us all very frazzled.

Looks like we'll get enough money back to replace our aged chimney. We had a mason over this morning, and he gasped quietly when he saw the condition of the chimney. I told him I knew it would not withstand another winter, he said "I'm surprised it's still standing right now." Gulp.

There are so many repairs this old farmhouse desperately needs, but there's never enough money to do them when I want to or when they need to be done. We live so very frugally, but the end of the month finds us completely broke no matter what I do to cut costs. We have only one, very old car (circa 1992), we make all our food from scratch including bread, I forage for wild foods and barter for food when I'm able, we buy our clothes from the thrift stores, I've taken to recycling yarns and fabric from thrift store purchases, we don't take vacations or do anything extravagant. I honestly don't know what more we can do.

I found a maple-leaf viburnum growing out back by the edge of the wetland. I'm hopeful it's the edible variety, Viburnum trilobum, and not the inedible look-alike Viburnum opulus. I'm corresponding with a biologist at the University of Maine to find out. I sent him close-up pictures yesterday of the petioles which, apparently, have the only distinctive visual features that differ in the two species. I'm waiting anxiously to find out the verdict; if the shrub is trilobum, then it's a good food source for us. Fingers crossed. Here's a picture of the viburnum, which is loaded with fruits this year:

Less humid.

I woke up this morning and felt tons better. The humidity had dropped and the air pressure had risen.

Tomorrow we meet with our accountant to do our taxes. We had to have a filing extension this year because too much work was going on in the spring. Everything in our lives takes ten times longer now that we have Little Woodchuck.

And now it's off to the playground. LW now has a tricycle and needs a paved surface to ride it upon.

I'll take a notepad with me and start planning her birthday party. We had an awesome party for LW last year, and the kids we invited all had a good time. It was an outdoor party, with a leaf pile to jump in, a sand table to play with, balls to kick around, bales of hay to climb upon, buckets of apples to feed the livestock, and tables full of yummy healthy snacks for the children and adults to enjoy. I think we'll do the same sort of thing this year, but age up the activities a little bit.

I am a cold weather creature.

This heat and humidity the past week has been so hard on me. I miss springtime, fall, and winter! The livestock are sick of the miserable weather, too, and spend a lot of time sleeping and panting in their stalls with fans trained on them. They should be out grazing, packing on the pounds for the upcoming winter. Every one of them is underweight for this time of year. I had the large animal vet out this week and all checked out healthy, thank goodness. Doc Schmitt assured me that as soon as the weather breaks, the animals will likely dash out to the pastures and graze, graze, graze.

I've been baking peach tarts and blueberry tarts lately. Found a terrific recipe, and it works well for so many fruits that are coming into season now. I want to plant two peach trees, and asked one of the Clarks for suggestions. I've got a small list of varieties to consider.

I'm sewing a cute dress for Little Woodchuck. Nearly finished, just have to do the hem and buttonholes. Singer sent me a replacement sewing machine for free, and the new one is working so well I can't believe I put up with the old one as long as I did (two years). That machine was such a headache it took all the pleasure out of sewing. I've got two years' worth of sewing projects to catch up on, now that I've got a good, working machine at last.

The county fair is coming up soon. I'm entering four items in the Roundhouse this year. Little Woodchuck is looking forward to the Fair. This year she'll be old enough to ride on the kiddie rides!

Playdates.

I love playdates for the Little Woodchuck. They save both our sanities.

And that is all for today.

She reads.

I forgot to mention that two weeks ago, the Little Woodchuck started to read. She now has five words that she can read. This is incredible for a child who is 2 years old. We're astounded and proud.

We never, ever pushed reading on her. She seems to come to it naturally. Both me and Mister Woodchuck were early readers, but not THIS early! I know that we read to her more than our parents read to us, so that's probably a factor.

Last week was just crazy.

On Monday, we noticed something was wrong with one of the livestock. I raided the livestock first-aid kit and treated the animal. By Tuesday afternoon, things were much worse. After a quick trip to the vet to pick up emergency supplies and three hours of some pretty intense treatment, we stabilized the animal by dark.

I had nightmares all Tuesday night, dreamed that the animal didn't survive. Ran out to the barn at first light and was relieved to find her much improved. Had a farming colleague stop by on Wednesday afternoon to look her over, and got the thumbs up on both the treatment and the fact that we stopped something this fatal so quick.

The animal is responding beautifully to continued treatment, even at her advanced age of 15 years (most of her kind don't live much past 12), and I have no reason to believe that she won't survive this. Phew. I've known this animal since she was a baby, she's been with me her entire life. She's more than just livestock, she's family.

Mom stopped by this morning and we made huge batches of dill pickles to keep over winter. Good stuff. It's my German grandmother's recipe and it's a winner. This afternoon I'll pick some of the blackberries and make a nice coulis from them.

More effing rain today. I'm so done with rain. And still it comes.

I took two weeks off from my paying work, starting on 4 July. The time off flew, and I only accomplished 1/4 of the tasks on my personal To-Do list. But at least I got some things done well. And I treated myself to an afternoon nap several times. I love afternoon naps.

My vacation ended Monday morning, the beginning of this week. Back to the grindstone, and a huge pile of client work.

Little Woodchuck is growing mentally at an alarming rate, and lately she's been sassing me a little bit. I nip it in the bud immediately, that seems to get her back on an even keel swiftly, but I know she does need to develop her sense of self at this age and sassing seems to be part of that growing sense of autonomy. She's not my little baby any more, and I both miss that and rejoice in her new sense of self.

I was on the local television news recently and am proud to say that I didn't make an ass of myself at all. Go me!

Twilight.

I love this time of day in the summer.

The air is cool and sometimes dry, as it is tonight, the livestock are out on the pastures for one last feed before they head for the overnight safety of the barn and paddock, the clouds are tinted peach and salmon, Mister Woodchuck is quietly strumming a ukulele to help Little Woodchuck go to sleep.

The dishes are all washed, the laundry is folded and put away, the lights are off in the house and twilight deepens. Now the animals are heading for the barn and I must go close them in for the night.

Cute kit, but...

I bought a child's smock kit from The Textile Company recently. It was supposed to be a complete kit, was my understanding. Well, I've had to go back twice now to The Textile to get components that were not included.

Nevertheless, it is a very cute smock and it turned out beautifully. I also learned, while sewing the smock, that my Singer 4210 has serious problems. I contacted Singer support, and they're willing to send me a brand new machine in exchange for mine. Not too shabby. I've borrowed my mom's Singer Stylist 834--what a fantastic machine! Very well made and runs so smoothly.

Off to the Farmers' Market we go.

WTF?!

I took Little Woodchuck to a party she was invited to yesterday. She had a lot of fun, though I was exhausted by the end of the party because I ran around after her the entire time. It was an outside party, and the place was not as toddler safe as I would have liked.

Which leads me to the WTF. Literally, I was the only parent keeping a close eye on her child. There was a five-foot rocky drop off in one section of the yard, and a 12-month-old nearly went over the edge because her mother was busy socializing elsewhere on the property. Another parent snatched up the baby just before she plunged over the drop off. The hostess of the party, in addition to having a four-year-old, has two 14-month-old babies who were allowed to free range over the place while the hostess was inside having a drinky-poo. The four-year-old was useless in watching her younger siblings.

There was an old barn next to the house, full of junk, with the doors wide open. No one was preventing the babies from wandering or crawling in there. I got more and more depressed and stressed as the free-for-all went on. I'm raising my child on a working farm, for pete's sake, and I'm super-cautious to make sure she doesn't get hurt.

The last straw was when the kids were all playing in the meadow below the rocky drop-off. I was, again, the only parent down there keeping an eye on things. The rest were up by the house and in the house getting cocktails. I noticed that the 12-month-old had somehow managed to make her way down to the meadow, too, without going over the drop-off, and she was headed right for a muddy spot in the meadow. As she toddled over to it, I shouted up at the other parents, "Um, if that's your baby, she's heading for the leach field!" I was at that moment trying to separate two boys who were whacking each other hard with sticks, and keep a close eye on Little Woodchuck at the same time.

"What's a leach field?" I heard someone call out from up at the house level. I yelled back, "The overflow from the septic system, and your kid has got her hands in it!"

A bunch of parents trotted over to the top of the drop-off to see. None of them was the 12-month-old's mother, by the way. I heard them all gasp as the baby plunged her hands in the mud and shove fistfuls into her mouth. I was 50 yards away across the meadow, and made the executive decision at that moment that the septic mud baby issue was not my problem. My job was to watch my own child. Yes, if that baby was about to wander into traffic, I would have made it my problem, but this situation was not quite at that level of danger. Finally, someone fetched the mom who was in the house somewhere, she retrieved the baby who was now completely covered in leach field mud and had a good amount of it in her stomach as well, and carried her off to the house to clean her up.

When Mister Woodchuck arrived to pick us up (it was a two-hour party), I said to him quietly through clenched teeth, "Get us the hell out of here." We were the first to leave, and our farm never looked so sweet as when we pulled into the driveway after the drive home.

Rain. Just rain.

Snafus.

I got tossed a handful of snafus the past two days. Mainly work-related, but some homelife-related too.

Mister Woodchuck woke up yesterday with a nasty 24-hour stomach bug. He slept the entire day (as woodchucks are wont to do when they feel under the weather) while I cared for our extremely rambunctious Little Woodchuck. LW slept on the couch and I slept on the floor next to the couch to be away from the stomach bug germs. LW is well-rested today; I am not. I don't sleep well on floors.

Fortunately, MW is feeling better now.

Long weekend ahead, lots of chores outdoors. Farmers' Market opens for the season in two weeks.

Getting out a bit.

Last night I went out for a soda pop and a sandwich while Mister Woodchuck stayed home and watched over the Little Woodchuck. I get out one night every couple weeks, and it's such a blessed relief. I love my resident whistle pigs, but I need a break from them sometimes.

Anyway, I met some truly interesting people last night. They were all very different and all very nice, and it went a little ways to restoring my goodwill toward humanity. I'd pretty much lost all faith in people on the whole in the past three years.

Fire warnings throughout the area. No more brush burns until after a good day of rain. There are plenty other chores for me to attend to in the meantime.

Greening up.

The land is slowly greening up, though it's slow going because the day and night temperatures remain cold.

Did another brush burn Saturday. We roasted potatoes in the embers, and they were delicious after a hard day's work.

Easter morning egg hunt: bitter cold and windy. Everyone was bundled up, but all the eggs were found.

Warm day, sunny skies.

Very hungry after full day of outdoor chores. Hillside Pizza, a must!

Now that the snow is gone, outdoor chores loom large.

The timberdoodles have arrived at last. Spring is truly coming.

Welcome.