Sobering bookmarks from a sad time.

In between vacuuming all the rooms in the house today, I've been tidying up my computer on my breaks. I tackled my browser bookmarks earlier. It was very sobering to see an entire section of URLs I bookmarked that were sites about losing one's baby while pregnant, in second or third trimester.

I had a really bad pregnancy. Really bad, and dangerous. Our ob-gyns weren't sure if the baby was going to make it through the entire pregnancy, and when I went into labor prematurely, things quickly went from bad to worse and there was a point when no one was sure that either or both me and the baby were going to survive. I had tried to prepare for the worst early in the second trimester when things started to take a bad turn, thus those bookmarks. Only MW and I knew just how bad things were, we didn't tell our families but they must have figured something wasn't right when we refused offers of a baby shower. We'd come home from the preparation for childbirth classes and I'd cry and cry, because it was so hard to keep up the appearance that everything was going okay. And when I went into labor early, we didn't call anyone in the family. Just wanted it to be us at the hospital in case things didn't work out well. MW called our moms when it was all over.

I can't have any more children, which is fine really, and I'm grateful each and every day that my little girl is here in my life.

Even so, today I wept with remembrance as I deleted those sobering bookmarks once and for all.

Craft Nite.

Just for the record, I want to express my love and appreciation for the folks who come to craft each Tuesday night at the Rendezvous in Turners Falls. I was away from Craft Nite for two months, went back last Tuesday for the first time in what seemed like forever, and was entirely thrilled to see the crafty peeps again.

With the end in sight for my deadlines, I'll be going back to Craft Nite as often as I can this winter. It's damned good for my mental health.

Protest.

Today is the protest rally downtown against the proposed cuts to the library budget. We'll be going. I have to come up with some snappy signs to carry.

Molly the sheep is a mystery right now. Doc came out yesterday morning early, gave her a full physical exam. Doc said she was in extremely good condition for her age, and yet she was still bleeding slightly from the nose. He took a blood draw, test results came in this morning and came back negative for anything other than a bit of a dip in her calcium levels. We can fix that with a mineral supplement. Doc just said to keep a close eye on her and report any changes.

We're still having the neighbor come by this weekend with his backhoe to dig a hole. Just in case for over the winter. Yes, it sounds morbid, but there's nothing worse than putting down a livestock animal over the winter and not having a hole already prepared in this harsh winter climate.

LW is nearly fully potty trained. Once in a while she poops in her panties, and I still keep her in pull-ups overnight, but all day long she uses her potty without being told to. What a great kid!

Dread.

One of the livestock is not doing so well. She's a lot older than most animals of her species, and today we noticed a little blood coming from her nose. I've got a call in to the large animal vet, he's coming first thing tomorrow. One of my neighbors will stop by after work with an excavator to help us dig a hole out in the back pasture. Just in case hard decisions have to be made...

I dread this. I love this particular animal; she's been with me and my family for more than 15 years.

Pay it forward.

I signed up for a Pay it Forward on a blog a few weeks ago. So, that means that I need to pay it forward here on my blog. I will take the first three people who respond, and send them something handmade within 365 days. The catch? Well, you must then old a Pay it forward on your blog. See, it just keeps going spreading handmade goodness to the world. I will send anywhere in the US or Canada.

Sign up by responding to this post.